This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
