he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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