yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
