i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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