i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
