Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
