At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
nutella sex= disaster
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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