I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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