I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
