Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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