Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
