May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
