i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
