Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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