Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
