Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
