he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
