I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
