i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
