i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
