I think scott just propositioned me for sex
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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