Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
