You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
