I'm really into asian looking animals
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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