You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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