my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
