Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
