Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
