Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
