it was like his penis was on wheels.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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