Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
