Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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