thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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