The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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