If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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