barbara walters just said penis...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
