Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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