The best revenge is premature balding
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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