I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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