The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
