It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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