i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
