She is in my trunk
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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