I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
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Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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