I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
