she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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