just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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