when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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