i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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