SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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