i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
