My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
