11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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