This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
