we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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