I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
