I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
