I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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