I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
