Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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