My friends, they love my intelligence
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
