i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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