brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
