Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
