its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
