Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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