you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
