My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
