I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
