In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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