Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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