Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
