I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
