I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
