And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
